The night is full of insomniacs googling insomnia. I’m trying to make a reservation at Outback Steakhouse. Don’t judge—my aunt gave me a gift card. 25 bucks is 25 bucks. It’s not really a reservation—it’s call ahead seating which just bumps you up a few slots on the waitlist. You still have to huddle with other sad Outback diners in winter coats that smell like wet dogs. I download the Outback app and create an account. It sends a confirmation code to my junk email account. In order to log in to my junk email account, I need to have a confirmation code sent to my regular email account. In my regular email account, an AI popup screen suggests I send a message to my team congratulating them on achieving an important goal. I don’t have a team. I have English department colleagues. The only goal we’ve achieved is not jumping collectively off a bridge in response to teaching writing to students who think writing is obsolete. But now I’m supposed to send my colleagues an email thanking them for their unwavering commitment and exceptional contributions in helping us reach remarkable milestones while overcoming numerous challenges. Instead, I enter a confirmation code to get another confirmation code to make a reservation that’s not really a reservation at an Australian steakhouse that’s not really Australian and barely a steakhouse. I’m pretty sure my Outback account is more secure than our nation’s nuclear codes, especially after the administration fired three hundred National Nuclear Security Administration workers, then scrambled to rehire them after realizing they oversee our nuclear security. Australia probably won’t even be Australia for long. After we conquer Canada and Greenland, we’ll surely try to get over on the land down under. What I’m trying to say is Dear Team, thank you for your tireless efforts and for always going above and beyond.
Erin Murphy’s most recent books are Swoon: New & Selected Poems, Human Resources, Mother as Conjunction: Lyric Essays, and Fluent in Blue, winner of the 2025 American Book Fest Best Book Award in Poetry. Her work appears in The Best of Brevity, Best Microfiction, Best of the Net, and anthologies from Random House, Bloomsbury, and elsewhere. She is professor of English at Penn State Altoona and serves as the 2026-27 Penn State Laureate. Website: www.erin-murphy.com