My only real relationship is with the paramedic 
who comes to tell me it isn’t a heart 
attack what about my father I ask him 
& he shakes his head takes my pulse tells me it’s over 
because it’s not over

The only song I like is Everywhere 
by Fleetwood Mac it is the only good song 
my ears are the only good ears my taste 
is exquisite if you want to throw a perfect dance party 
lie alone on the kitchen floor listening to Everywhere
& pretend you aren’t my father 
& would only get down on the floor like this
of your own volition

My only heart attack is happening right now 
but it doesn’t know it 
only I know it 
my death is a secret I keep from death 

My only father I found purplepurpledead in his bed of a heart 
attack twenty minutes after I received oral sex 
which I am ashamed of mentioning here because now 
you have to imagine my body

My only body is only my body

The only girl I’ve ever loved 
was born with roses in her eyes 
is a line from a song by a band I was introduced to 
by a girl who had cocaine delivered to her house 
the first night we kissed & it reminded me

My only mother did cocaine
for a year or so during which she wasn’t super 
there emotionally which is probably why I could 
not commit to the girl who introduced me 
to the band or the generous oral sex-giving girl I say 
to my therapist who stifles a yawn & quickly shifts 
his eyes back to mine away from the clock

The only clock I wish to follow is trees

The only tree I cannot love is the palm tree
what’s wrong with the palm tree
why isn’t it eating o poor poor anorexic palm tree
My only eating disorder is love my only eating disorder
is love death is my only disordered love my only
disorder is love-eating
eating love eating death loving
disorder my only love

Jeremy Radin is a poet, actor, and teacher. His poems have appeared (or are forthcoming) in Gulf Coast, The Cortland Review, The Journal, Vinyl, Passages North, and elsewhere. He is the author of two collections of poetry, Slow Dance with Sasquatch (Write Bloody Publishing, 2012) and Dear Sal (not a cult press, 2017). He lives in Los Angeles where he once sat next to Carly Rae Jepsen in a restaurant. Follow him @germyradin

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