My only real relationship is with the paramedic
who comes to tell me it isn’t a heart
attack what about my father I ask him
& he shakes his head takes my pulse tells me it’s over
because it’s not over
The only song I like is Everywhere
by Fleetwood Mac it is the only good song
my ears are the only good ears my taste
is exquisite if you want to throw a perfect dance party
lie alone on the kitchen floor listening to Everywhere
& pretend you aren’t my father
& would only get down on the floor like this
of your own volition
My only heart attack is happening right now
but it doesn’t know it
only I know it
my death is a secret I keep from death
My only father I found purplepurpledead in his bed of a heart
attack twenty minutes after I received oral sex
which I am ashamed of mentioning here because now
you have to imagine my body
My only body is only my body
The only girl I’ve ever loved
was born with roses in her eyes
is a line from a song by a band I was introduced to
by a girl who had cocaine delivered to her house
the first night we kissed & it reminded me
My only mother did cocaine
for a year or so during which she wasn’t super
there emotionally which is probably why I could
not commit to the girl who introduced me
to the band or the generous oral sex-giving girl I say
to my therapist who stifles a yawn & quickly shifts
his eyes back to mine away from the clock
The only clock I wish to follow is trees
The only tree I cannot love is the palm tree
what’s wrong with the palm tree
why isn’t it eating o poor poor anorexic palm tree
My only eating disorder is love my only eating disorder
is love death is my only disordered love my only
disorder is love-eating
eating love eating death loving
disorder my only love
Jeremy Radin is a poet, actor, and teacher. His poems have appeared (or are forthcoming) in Gulf Coast, The Cortland Review, The Journal, Vinyl, Passages North, and elsewhere. He is the author of two collections of poetry, Slow Dance with Sasquatch (Write Bloody Publishing, 2012) and Dear Sal (not a cult press, 2017). He lives in Los Angeles where he once sat next to Carly Rae Jepsen in a restaurant. Follow him @germyradin