Boys don’t cry at movies, and they certainly don’t tell
Other boys that they ever cried, barring formative years and funerals,
So maybe that’s why it took me a while to cry watching a movie.
When, as many boys do, I lost interest in the ever-moving pissing contest
Of what manhood is to boys and teens under eighteen,
I’ve cried watching movies. Heck, every four years on the dot,
I’m crying watching Jim Redmon helping his son, Derek, in the ‘92 Olympics.
One memorable instance of this kind of crying
Was when I came across the vault of ol’ Walt Disney,
Where it felt like I was stepping onto ceremonial land
In the art of animation, and saw his earliest pictures
For the first time since I was a child,
When they honestly didn’t mean anything,
And I came across Dumbo and watched it as a twenty-year-old something.
That freakin’ flying elephant gets me every single time.
My eyes get frantic from blinking out
Springs of water from heartbreaking images,
Not of the light-hearted and welcoming and clumsy crows,
Nor of the faceless black laborers portrayed in,
“The Song of the Roustabouts,”
Though I feel some kinda way about that scene;
It’s from watching Dumbo being comforted by his mother after the circus.
My heart bents from brokenness at that scene because I,
And many others I assume, can relate.
If you’re reading or listening to this poem, no you are not an elephant,
Though some of us do work in the circus,
Despite too many of us not knowing it;
I relate because, at the end of awful days, we are all in search of our mothers.
Matthew Johnson is the author of the poetry collections, Shadow Folks and Soul Songs (Kelsay Books), Far from New York State (NYQ Press), and the chapbook, Too Short to Box with God (Finishing Line Press). His work has appeared or is forthcoming in The African American Review, Front Porch Review, London Magazine, and elsewhere. He has been recognized with Best of the Net and Pushcart Prize nominations, a scholarship from the Hudson Valley Writers Center, a residency from Sundress Publications, and as a finalist in Grand View University’s Diverse Voices Book Award. He’s the managing editor of The Portrait of New England and poetry editor of The Twin Bill. matthewjohnsonpoetry.com