Despite omnipotence, largely unhelpful.
Created the Tazmanian Devil
only to not allow people to pet it,
which goes against good customer service.
Entirely absent managerial style
allows both workers and customers
to run rampant in the store with no rules.
Though I admit the lack of rules quite fun
as it allowed me to steal
large quantities of strawberry-kiwi kombucha.
I asked to see a manager and an old man
told me to confess everything I’d done wrong.
What the hell, dude? And what’s with the wine
on Sunday morning anyway? I was 14.
I can only hope this other “Hell” location
I’ve heard so much about has better wifi.
Apparently I’ve been pre-banned from
the “Heaven” one for kissing boys
in the vegetable aisle here, though why
did this God fellow care about me then?
Unprofessional. Gross. Still,
4 out of 5 stars for inventing saliva between us.
Willow James Claire (James O’Leary) is a trans poet from Arizona. Their work has been nominated for both the Best of the Net and the Pushcart Prize anthologies, and has appeared in such journals as Frontier, Protean, The Indianapolis Review, Foglifter, and more. Willow holds an MFA from Sarah Lawrence College, and currently serves as a poetry reader for Little Patuxent Review and ANMLY.